She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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