wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
