??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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