Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
