This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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