Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
