I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
