really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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