I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
