$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
