I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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