Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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