Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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