he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When are your genitals available?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
