he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
