every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
