when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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