Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
