Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!

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(212): View more from New York

Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods

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(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.

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(512): View more from Texas

I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.

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(340): View more from US Virgin Islands

I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Why do you think it's a no-pants party?

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.

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(818): View more from California

YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK

(512): View more from Texas

i got me so drunk!

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