sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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