Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
