One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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