Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
