but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
