My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
