Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
