the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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