Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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