My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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