So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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