I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
