My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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