she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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