Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
