Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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