I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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