I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
