Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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