Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
the liver wants what the liver wants
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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