i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
