I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
