dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
