Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
