just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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