I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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