I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
