O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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