also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
