and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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