the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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