New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize