Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
