I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
