allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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