Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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