peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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