I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
