i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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