You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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