Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
