so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
