My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
