Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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