what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
