SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
