We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
