I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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