Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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