my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
