I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
