3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up under a house in Key West
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
