Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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