Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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