so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
