I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
