wrigley field is MILF paradise
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
