The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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