do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
