i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
