So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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